Friendship circle

[HnotHarryStyles]

Hi!

I was thinking about the fact that One Direction fandom has become a really toxic and hostile place for so many and it’s shocking to see how much cruelty and homophobia this fandom has.

It gets tiring to see this constant shaming of queer fans. I know there are a lot of fans who don’t condone with the hate targeted towards ”Larry shippers” but I want them to start speaking out. Stand up and say that this is not okay. Because hateful words spewed online towards queer kids do damage. Real, irrevocable damage and I wish the fandom would wake up and do something about it. So I wanted to create this thread for all of those who feel bullied or attacked online. I want this thread to be a place where everyone can feel safe and share their thoughts.

I know that a lot of you might not have anyone to talk to on twitter or on tumblr and I think it's important to let you know that you are not alone. And if you wish you can also message me in private, we can have a chat and I'll be your friend.


ETA: I have already managed to drop the f-bomb, so if you are very sensitive to that sort of thing then...well just, I don't know, beware I have a dirty mouth?

ETA2: No homophobic or racists slurs please and thank you!

[HnotHarryStyles]

Okay, so I'll start this off.

I personally feel very disappointed by the fact that so many fans think that there is something wrong in thinking that one of the boys is gay. As a queer person it is very hurtful to read comments where people say that ''gay rumors have ruined Harry and Louis' relationship'' or that ''the gay thing has been taken too far''. Well that is actually quite homophobic and mean. It's like saying that being gay is something that can ruin friendships, that being gay is weird and that thinking that someone is gay is wrong. Well thanks for that.

My head is actually swimming with thoughts on this topic and I know I'm not the only one.

[madzialove]

What pisses me most is that people/kids in this fandom think that being called GAY is insult, which really isn't.

[HnotHarryStyles]

Yes, and it doesn't help that the media is constantly laughing at the gay rumors and making snide remarks. It's this vicious cycle that just feeds the nasty comments online. I wish that every time someone uses the word gay as an insult, that they would replace it with straight and hear just how ridiculous it sounds.

[alexandra]

I'm a fan who identifies as queer myself and quite frankly, I'm tired of the way that straight hat fans act towards shippers.

I run a fan account on Twitter and I can't even tell you how many times I've seen any of the following on my timeline:
1.) "They can't be in a gay relationship because they're straight and have girlfriends"
2.) "If Larry/Ziam/insert ship here was real, then they would've come out already since the fandom is so supportive"
3.) "Liam(or any other member) can't be gay! He's sooooo masculine"

I honestly always get so hurt when I read these sorts of things.

1.) I think it's completely ludicrous to put a label on someone's sexuality based solely on their romantic history. While I think that one or more of the members of One Direction could be gay, I would never say that with 100% certainty mainly because I personally hate it when other people try to label my sexuality, so I try not to make a habit of labeling anyone else's. With that being said, I believe that Larry and Ziam are genuinely in a relationship and that four out of five members have most likely experienced attraction to other males (maybe even all 5, who knows?). But to say that they're 100% straight without even knowing them personally is completely fucking ridiculous, excuse my language. I know that I'm getting so upset by this because I deal with this sort of narrowmindedness all the time. I'm pansexual, but since I'm a cisgendered girl who likes to dress up and wear makeup, that automatically means that I'm "straight" and "just going through a phase". People like to label my sexuality, too. I know how it feels.

2.) I don't understand how people could say that the fandom would support any of them coming out when half the fanbase (being generous) is homophobic and ignorant. If any of the members are anything but straight, (and I genuinely believe that most of the members, if not every member, is not 100% straight; then again, people tend to forget that sexuality isn't just black and white and that there's a big gray area in between gay and straight) then they can't come out. It would shatter the illusion that yes, little 13 year old girl! Harry Styles loves YOU and you definitely have a chance; he may even marry YOU someday! And management is so afraid of that illusion being shattered, along with half the fanbase. Coming out at this point in their careers (not that I think it's right) is not a smart move. And I can't fathom how people could even think that One Direction has a supportive enough fanbase to come out when even shipping a gay ship can cause you to get hate messages daily.

3.) That right there is so offensive. SO INCREDIBLY OFFENSIVE. I don't even know what to say to that! It is not only ignorant but just so fucking rude to say that every single gay man falls into the effeminate stereotype and that being what society considers "manly" automatically means that you can't be gay. This fandom is so ignorant. Ugh. It makes me angry and sad at the same time.

I'm so sorry for basically ranting to you in basically an essay about why this fandom sucks, it just feels so nice to finally vent to someone like-minded who I feel would understand me. If you took the time to read this, I really appreciate it.

Maybe someday this fandom will become more tolerant.

[madzialove]

btw. I'm curious how many Larry believers are LGBT people.

[HnotHarryStyles]

Hi there!

First things first, please don't apologize for venting that's why I made this thread so that people can vent! Your thoughts are my thoughts and it's really good to see that other people feel the same way.

You have some very good points and I agree.

You are right we don't know for certain how the boys identify but I think that it's very clear that some are not sraight, at least to me it is. I think that the reason why it is so difficult for so many to see/accept that some of them might be gay is that a large part of the fandom is quite young and that they might not have been exposed to a lot of diversity. Combine that with the media, pr-image, the lack of knowledge about bearding and the entertainment industry and the fact that most fans are now terrified of upsetting their idols who they think are so bothered with gay rumors that they feel like they need to defend them. It's a mess.

I know how you feel when people assume you are straight, I deal with queer erasure on a daily basis and it's hard. Gender norms are incredibly strict still, no matter what some people online might think. Same goes for the claim that the world isn't going to judge if you come out. Like please, do they not live in the real world. I'm guessing not. Just because there are fans who actually see behind pr-bullshit and support the boys do not mean that the world is as accepting and that there wouldn't be any repercussions. That's incredibly naive and ignorant. And as a queer person who has to deal with narrowmindeness everyday, it's fucking insulting to think that hey-hoo nobody is going to care if your gay. Like where do you come off, seriously. Homophobia is not a made-up thing.

The fact that people think that a gay person can't be masculine is proof enough that stereotypes are alive and well.
I actually think that the strict gender roles are one of the reasons why some fans are so offended whenever someone comments on how Harry breaks gender norms, uses gender neutral pronouns or how he sometimes says that he doesn't want to objectify women. It's all very different from your traditional manly man stereotype. I think that's why some fans prefer him to be a womanizer and like reading fics where he is abusive because they are uncomfortable with the fact that just like sexuality gender is also fluid. And in our society if you are anything other than the norm it is considered a flaw and a weakness. Sadly.

I have days (and nights) when I'm really upset by the things I see online. It can get under your skin when your core identity is either demonized or made fun of. I'm not on twitter because I feel like it is even worse there. When I get sad I usually look for funny posts that tumblr folks have made. There are some hilarious people in our fandom! Sometimes it's healthy to take a break or surround yourself with like-minded people.

But yeah, I feel ya buddy, I really do!

[HnotHarryStyles]

I don't know how many here are non-straight but I do know that sometimes it might be easier for queer folk to recognize others who are not straight. And since representation in the media is very important, I would venture a guess that there are quite a few queer people in the fandom who have found something that they can relate to. Just my opinion, though.

[alexandra]

Hi, thanks so much for reading my post.

I definitely agree with everything you've said. It really is a mess! I don't believe that these young fans are genuinely trying to hurt people when they blindly insist that their idols are straight; I just wish they could see how much they hurt LGBT individuals when they say things like that. Being gay is definitely not an insult! It upsets me that they treat it as such, yet at the same time, a lot of them are young and impressionable so it's not entirely their fault. Most if not all of the boys of One Direction are *not* straight, I agree, and I honestly wish that they could come out. I think that it's important for LGBT youth to have figures like themselves to look up to so that they can realise they're not freaks like their classmates may make them out to be but actually completely normal. (I certainly could've used that as a child.) I really wish that One Direction could be that for them, but in today's society, (which is still largely homophobic) it's unfortunately an impossibility.

Yeah, I don't understand how people could actually say that it should be easy for any member of One Direction to come out. It's sort-of naive, really. I seriously hate the fact that even though society is way more progressive than it was maybe 50 years ago, people still hold onto gender norms and sexual norms so fiercely. What purpose does it serve? All that this does is cause people to shun anyone who is even the slightest bit different. It's... frustrating, to say the least. (I know what it's like firsthand, and I'm glad that someone else understands.

Everything you've said about Harry and the way that fans view him is very true as well. I've never even thought about why they cling to that womanizer image of him so fiercely when he's clearly an adorable cupcake (for a lack of a better phrase). Now it makes sense to me!

As much as I'd hate to admit it, I'm addicted to Twitter, so I can't give it up so easily. I do love going on the ship tags on Tumblr, though. There are a lot of like-minded people on there!

I'm so happy to talk to you. I already feel so much better than I did before.

[alexandra]

By the way, madzialove, I'm curious, too!

[HnotHarryStyles]

*SQUEALS!! I'm so happy that you feel better! And this helps me too

For me one of the biggest issues is not that some people don't support Harry and Louis or Liam and Zayn for that matter, but the ripple effect that happens everytime someone uses gay as an insult or homophobic slurs when ''defending'' the boys' straightness. It bothers me that so many kids are subjected to homophobia and misogyny online, and not to mention racism and ableism. Because I can guarantee there are kids reading those things and feeling that they are hated as well. That's my main worry, that a young kid gets overpowered by the onslaught of ignorance, even if it is unintentional and happens inadvertently.

I guess it's just important to speak out so that those messages get heard as well

It's so nice to chat, even if I'm all over the place, hah. I'll probably have more things to say, but right now my dog really wants to go out, little does he know that it is pouring rain right now, hahah.

[HnotHarryStyles]

Hi everybody!

Just a friendly reminder that I think you are all wonderful.

Here's a penguin chick with it's two dads in a Danish zoo.

[madzialove]

this^

[HnotHarryStyles]

I once again find myself feeling angry over the things that's been said online by 1D fans. I just, I can't believe how callous some people are and how warranted they are in their hatred.

It is so hard sometimes to be a fan of One Direction when you have to face homophobia every time you get online.

I don't know, I'm just upset.

I hope that you are all fine! <3

[finaticmom]

Reading Candy's recent post about the recent twitter issues over Keith, and reading your posts above truly breaks my heart. I know it is hard for everyone to witness the 'stunods' who post against Larry on twitter, however, aren't we lucky we have Candy ( and all the other Larry bloggers) and each other and this safe place where we can just vent and know there are others who just love these boys? I do wish the haters would just leave our Larry bloggers alone. I can tell it is wearing everyone down and I wish we got something, anything from the boys to just lift us up a little. In the meantime we just need to lift each other up and share the love! After starting in this fandom I am more acutley aware that I really thought my kids were living in a more open world, but I was wrong. I do think Harry does try to support the fans ( Love is equal shirt, saying " I hope everyone is having a fun and equal time at the one direction concert" when the protesters were outside the concert, tweeting that ' I beleive in equal rights for all'). They have to know about the Larry hate, but I really don't know what I would expect them to do within the confines of their contract, so it's up to us to hold each other up. I have witnessed some pretty awesome things within this fandom ( the charity drive, and the support of one another) and that is why I am still here.